So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
