A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
