i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
