The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
