Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
