please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
