Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
