Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
