How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
