addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
