D3 body, D1 cock
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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