i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
