Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So much rum. So many feels.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
