i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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