i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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