The maid of honor just puked.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
of course. lets lasso hookers.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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