there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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