I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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