He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
