Are we in a gay sports bar?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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