my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
