the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
