I accidentally had phone sex last night
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
