I wanna bring you to show and tell
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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