I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
