I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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