He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
