My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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