But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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