College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
