I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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