do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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