Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
