You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
