This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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