arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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