So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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