It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
