and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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