my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
