i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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