oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
