he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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