one two three fourrrrnication!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
