Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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