just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
