I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
