i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
