i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
