I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
