I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
