last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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