dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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